Tour 2003

As usual a mini-bus has been hired and those taking this are all set with their bags, cricket kit and the odd pleasure for the journey. Gerald has decided that he will give the bus a miss this year as he is off immediately after the tour to Wales on holiday.

Richard Lillicrap has also decided that driving down is the way to go this year. Of the others Barry Watling is going down with Brian Fletcher as navigator, while Sitwell still likes his own company.

Sitwell is the first to arrive and renew his acquaintances with the hotel staff. Having first checked to see if his room is OK, he ponders on the journey the others are having. Not long after that, (teach him to muse over others journeys) Sitwell receives a phone call from the bus and is soon listening once again to the melodies of the tour bus and a 'grumpy old git'. A while later and a beep announces the arrival of a text message. This states that Chewy is asleep on the bus! Gerald arrives about an hour after Sitwell and as he gets out of his car he is in deep conversation on his mobile. Now Gerald is well known for his ability to find anywhere in the world and Sitwell soon realises that he is trying to direct the navigator in the bus. Being very dubious as to the details that Gerald is being given, Sitwell does not believe that the call is genuine. Gerald is talking of signs that read Heathrow and Gatwick and this is four hours into their journey! However, Gerald is very sure that the bus is lost and rings back trying to give directions. Both Sitwell and Gerald are very aware by now that all is not well and by the texts that are beginning to arrive on many different phones the bus is well and truly behind schedule.

Richard Lillicrap arrives followed by Barry and Fletch and we all have a beer discussing the events so far - namely the extremely merry bus party. Simon Martin has joined the party having travelled from Glastonbury Festival where he was working.

As time is ticking around watches are consulted and fears of the match being cancelled are raised. The match tonight is due to start at 6 o'clock.

Around 5.10pm the bus finally turns up and the navigator is seen sitting next to the driver. Shaun Janman has done his best today to get the tour party lost. Slim having put up with all the directions given (not all by the navigator by any means!) announces that he has driven 290 miles to get to the hotel while others have done around 170 miles! Stories of lager shampoos and ketchup in hats are talked about. It appears that the mini-bus journeyed to Petworth and then down to the M27 before stopping on the M3 for lunch. After this the bus then travelled North instead of South and found the M25. After Gerald's directions the bus finally arrived. A quick check-in and remembering the hotel staff still remaining after last year it's away to Wellington's ground for the match. Keith has some surprises this year as overseas players are seen to be playing.

Richard Lillicrap is captain and the team is told that the Cleve are batting first. Slim opens the bowling with Crappers taking the second. Richard finishes with 3 wickets but it is Mowey that tops the list taking 4. The Cleve end with 159 for 8 in their 40 overs. Chewey has been behind the stumps and much to everyone's amazement has taken a stumping off Wheelie Bin. Not a bad start considering all that has happened so far today! Richard Nichols and Barry Crouch arrive, driving down after work and are soon told of the day's happenings. Brian Fletcher and David Hawke open the Ansty innings, but when the score has reached 37 Fletch is seen trudging toward the pavilion having made the princely score of 2. Slim quickly scores 32 before being bowled. Chewy is the next batsman but he finds it difficult to lift himself off the park bench he has been seen asleep on. Finally he makes it to the square where it is obvious that he feels very unwell - not once but twice! Now it is not easy to strike the ball cleanly when you can see more than the one ball and the opposition decide to try and keep him at the crease. However having decided to try and hit the middle ball he begins to hit the ball at last. Squawks is finally stumped for a magnificent 75 and Stuart Wheeler and Paul see Ansty to victory by 7 wickets. Not a bad start after all!

Back to the Hotel where food has been provided for all. After eating, the bar is well attended and the talk is of roads and nightmares. The journey has been very tiring and most are glad to be off to bed sooner than expected.

Tuesday and the sun is shining. Sitwell peers out from behind the curtain and is pleased to see Chewy outside already walking down the drive with Baz W. Chewy is still wearing the cardigan that he was presented with, I believe, for sleeping on the bus. It looks a bit on the tight side and is very colourful! I wonder who will be the wearer tomorrow? Simon has already departed for Glastonbury.

There is no match today as Curry Rivel had phoned on Sunday to say that they could not raise a side to play. Now what will we do? Mark Vesey phones from Exeter to arrange for a lift from Taunton but is told that the match is off. V Man decides that he will not join us until tomorrow. Shortly after this Sitwell's mobile rings once again, it's V Man offering to try and organise a game in Exeter. The rest of the tourists are pleased that a game might be possible after all.

While we wait, a game of garden cricket is organised and teams are assembled. One or two are missing but the match starts only to be stopped by that one tour item that plagues us every year - rain. Not heavy but persistent for some time we return when it stops to finish the game. Bad news as Sitwell's phone rings once again. V Man cannot find a ground to play at, but does offer the chance to play a football match. Most of the party realise this would mean running about and decide that sitting around the Hotel will be better.

The Hotel is busy with their main source of income, that of conferences, and we are asked to keep the noise down. We return to the bar for refreshment and decide that we should visit the same pub as two years ago for lunch. The Cottage Inn is within walking distance and found without trouble. We all troop into the bar and order some more drinks. It's becoming a habit this drinking! Food is arranged, just a few sandwiches and some chips. While we wait some of the lads play killer pool while others prefer to sit and watch. One or two locals are curious about this influx of merry men and ask a few pertinent questions before leaving us to get on with enjoying ourselves. Food arrives and is quickly consumed - very nice too! The pub has a skittle alley and after eating we all walk to the alley. Teams are to be the same as for the garden cricket. Sitwell had not joined the rest two years ago and had not attempted this lark before - and it showed! Squawks volunteered to chalk, and it was not long before he was desperately asking whom he had missed form the list. Of course it only happens to be Squawks himself. Silly Billy - would he get that Cardigan?

The match unfolds and still Sitwell is having trouble knocking over those ******* pins!

At last he manages to knock a few over but his team, who won this morning at cricket, lose to the better side.

Glynde & Beddingham were on tour last week and had made friends with a member of staff who we shall call N. Now Sitwell had been told that this team had been on tour and when N said she would visit one of the players he promptly said 'oh Glynde and Beddingham'. N was shocked by this and obviously did not realise that the two teams were only a few miles apart. She was quite unaware that we did not know too much about them - well apart from one of our party. Yes you've guessed - Britannica!

Some friendly banter is exchanged, much to the distress of N who takes it well nevertheless.

Sitwell is concerned that he has left all the telephone numbers for the opposition at home and is trying to find these locally. Eventually he gets the number required from Wellington Cricket Club. Sitwell then rings Brompton Ralph to ask that no BBQ be provided this year, as some members want to go to Taunton in the evening. Last year he was in trouble as Brompton provided a BBQ after it was decided to eat on the return journey. Has he escaped trouble this year?

Because we have not played today the Hotel is asked to provide a meal this evening. No problem for the Hotel but we have to wait for one of the conference parties to eat first. Eventually we get to eat but there is not the usual amount. There are some mumbles about this, and even more when the cost is known. Keith will be asked to reduce the price when we see him in the morning.

The bar is as usual well used for the rest of the evening with the absence of one or two noted as early retirees.

Rain falls during the night and as Sitwell peers outside he is worried this might lead to a cancellation of today's game.

Breakfast is once again superb and the rain is easing. Chewy is still wearing that cardigan and it looks so right on him now that it's thought likely he will continue to wear it for the rest of the tour. Sitwell is off to Taunton to collect V Man from the station later and Gez offers to drive. That's probably just as well as Gez will not get lost. We are up to Round 2 of the snooker competition and a few matches are due to be played this morning. Watter's has not brought his cue this year and has been knocked out already! Rich N has brought his cue, which is just as well as the cues provided leave much to be desired. Still most of us manage to at least strike the white if not pot a few balls as well.

Sitwell and Gez set off for Taunton and follow the signs to the station. What a route this is, stopped in a queue of traffic and then the signs disappear. Not to worry the station is found and there in front of us is V Man. Turning round Gez realises that there is no exit at the point we are heading for so turns round again and we take a different way back. This is much quicker and we soon arrive at a roundabout we know. V Man talks about his sad problem with a passport that prevents him from a trip to America. Oh well!

Back at the hotel V Man is greeted and a few more drinks are consumed although it must be said that not all are drinking alcohol now.

The time to depart for Fitzhead and Sitwell, Rich L are driving while most pile onto the bus. A quick stop is made in Wellington for pies, chips or if you are Fletch soup would you believe? Sitwell drives with Baz W and they find the ground without trouble. The mini-bus, as this now seems correct tour procedure, takes an alternative route but manages to locate the ground without too much trouble.

Some Fitzhead players are already waiting - another first. Roger and Jim arrive from Butlins and the team are pleased that Rog will umpire the match today.

Fitzhead bat first and score 214-7. A batsman, called Milton, is told by our wicket keeper that he is on 96 and promptly gets bowled. Not too sure if he is happy about this. A highlight of his innings is provided when he scores 50. Another bat is taken out to the middle and he tries to hit a six with it. This bat is very heavy and he unfortunately fails to hit a six. The bat has a silver plaque attached that has the name of the only player to score a six with this bat against a tour opponent.

The gallery look on

The Ansty players taking a very keen interest in the match!

(Note the cardigan on the left of the picture)

Ansty's reply begins with Fletch and the V Man who put on 47 for the first wicket. Both finish up with 26. Squawks makes a quick 18 but the arrival at the crease of Sitwell shows that he is really getting old! Rich N is at the other end scoring well as usual but Sitwell's old war wound, received at Eastergate a couple of weeks ago, plays up again and he quickly spoons a catch to mid-off. Rich goes on his merry way and scores his 50. That bat then sees the light of day once again. The bat is heavy as even Rich has a few problems wielding it. However it is not too long before a reverse sweep sees the ball sailing well over the boundary for a huge 6. Task done Rich resumes his innings with his usual bat and goes on to 77 before being trapped LBW. While this is going on someone calls out 'look at that'. The match stops at the same time and all around the ground there is the utmost disbelief at what we are all looking at. At the far end of the ground is a figure standing in the hedge behind the bowlers end wearing just his underpants. Oh dear what a frightful sight. However just before the masses turn away in disgust, the person perpetrating this horror hitches up his clothes and carries on walking around the ground. I cannot name him but just think of what you do with Wrigley's gum. After this Mowey (34) and Nice Bloke (9no) see Ansty to victory. A trip to the Fitzhead Inn after the match for a bite to eat and other refreshment before everyone returns to Wellington. At the pub Fitzhead tell us that they may tour to Sussex next year.

Gez, Wheelie Bin, Chewy, Rich L, Mowey, Squawks and the V Man decide after much discussion to try the delights of Taunton. The rest are as usual busy with the main task of the day - consuming alcohol. Freeman Hardy and Willis is played although there are some notable absentees this year. Most retire after mid-night not bothering to wait up for the Taunton contingent to return.

Sitwell whose room is above the main hotel entrance is woken in the early hours by Rich L bringing back the first of the Taunton revellers. By the look of one, he has had a very good evening - more later. Sleep is once again disturbed for Sitwell as the rest follow a little while later. It has to be said that they were not noisy, but the old geezer is a very light sleeper!

Morning arrives and the tales of last night begin to be told. Apparently the very happy chappie seen returning in the early hours didn't have a good evening as he spent most of it outside the Night Club having been ejected by the bouncers. He had to wait outside until everyone had enjoyed their evening of dancing. Talking of which there are some strange tales of peculiar rituals on the dance floor by someone up for the day. There are many other tales of the night before but only those who went are privy to those.

V Man is going back to Exeter this morning and Sitwell will drive him into Taunton to catch his train. It's been good having him on tour even the short time he's been with us. Chewy turns up for breakfast still wearing the cardigan that by now must belong to him.

A few snooker matches are played but the interest has waned and the competition is never completed. Chewy does his thing in the grounds and is seen walking and then sitting puffing on his ciggy. Fletch goes to collect his key from reception and is told to keep his voice down, as there is a conference in the room next door. This happens to be Avon & Somerset Constabulary whose attendance was noted on the board this morning. I wonder why the tourists were quieter than normal? Obviously not quiet enough though!

Eventually after some more drinking, not all alcoholic - except for the hardened tourist, we gather the cricket gear and head off to Brompton Ralph for today's match. Roger has volunteered once again to umpire and we expect Jim to come along as well. The two Rich's drive, but the others pile onto the bus for an uneventful journey to Brompton Ralph. Rog and Jim turn up and the match begins. Brompton Ralph bat first and the captain of the day is Chewy. Gez has managed to pick up an injury as well as Sitwell and this pair take it in turn to umpire at the other end to Rog. Baz C and Rich L open the bowling but runs are soon mounting as Brompton hit the ball to the boundary with monotonous regularity. Rich L takes 2 wickets but is expensive with 45 coming from his 4 overs. Shaun takes 1 wicket but is very economical with only 18 taken from his 8 overs. Wheelie Bin takes 1 for 8 off his only over. Other bowlers also have poor figures, 53 from Chewy's 4 overs and 77 from Slim's 8. Brompton finish with 317 for 4, a gigantic total.

The match under way at Brompton Ralph

The match in progress at Brompton Ralph

The reply is begun by Rich N and Wheelie who put on 157 for the first wicket and the target looks to be just that little bit easier to reach. Rich scores 104 and Wheelie 73. Chewy is batting with Squawks when he calls for a quick single. They meet in mid pitch as the ball screams back to the keeper. Squawks continues towards the pavilion but the opposition call him back and umpire Sitwell has to give Chewy out as they had just managed to cross before the wicket was broken. Oh dear Sitwell gives the captain out. However the score continues to mount and Ansty are victorious by 5 wickets. Chewy is delighted and we are sure to be reminded of this later.

Most of the touring party agrees to a meal in Wellington but Wheelie Bin and Sitwell are to buy some chips and return to the hotel to eat them. Rich N and Barry C are to return home from the match tonight. After some socialising we say goodbye to those going in different directions and make our way back to Wellington. Sitwell and Wheelie Bin walk back towards the hotel and purchase their chips.

Everyone eventually meets up in the bar and the match is talked of, especially by Chewy. Other tour happenings are discussed over more drinks but not everyone sees eye to eye. After some time the remaining tourists are ushered into the residents lounge to continue their day before making their way to bed.

The morning breakfast is once again well attended and the usual excellent fare is consumed with thoughts of the journey home. Surely it will be less hassle than the journey down? Sitwell pays the bill after breakfast but the poor old lad is confused and ends up paying for two extra nights that have not been used. Oh dear.

Sitwell says goodbye to Keith and the others and leads the bus out of Wellington to the A303 where the two vehicles part company. The journey home is uneventful and the tour is over for another year.