Monday 2nd July and the sun is shining brightly.  The annual tour to Somerset has come around once again.  Most of the team are going to travel in another 'choice' vehicle with Richard N at the wheel.  Lets hope this one is better than last year!  Stilly is once again driving down on his own (sad *****).  Roger has already arrived in Somerset with Pat and Jim, staying at Butlins. Having been parked on the M25 for some time last year Sitwell has decided to try the A272 again, a route he has used in the past.  As this means passing through Ansty he pops into the ground where most of the party are waiting for the mini-bus and Richard.  Barry Watling (Busy Bloke) is also driving down but will start later as he has work behind the Club bar to attend to.  Sitwell waves his goodbyes and sets off.  Apart from a few delays caused by large lorries and a few caravans the journey goes well and soon he is in Wellington.  Ascending the steep drive into the hotel car park, Sitwell notices the new building taking shape.  This will be a gym, swimming pool and conference room.  The workmen are seen to be on site but little appears to be happening! Sitwell makes his way to the entrance and is greeted by two new faces.  Marcelle and Faye check the details and it soon becomes clear that all is not as arranged.  A meal has not been organised for the party as requested.  However this is no problem as Marcelle checks with the chef and a meal is soon arranged. Meanwhile the rest of the party is getting impatient!  Pierre Fowlesup is late!  Last minute shopping with wife Bobbie is the reason.  Mick Nicholas, who himself is going to make the journey tomorrow, sees Pierre in Burgess Hill at 10.20, when the meet was 10 o'clock!  Oh dear!  Eventually he arrives at the ground and the mini bus departs to pick up Gez Brown who lives in Surrey.  When they arrive at the pick up point Gez is not there!  A quick phone call and guess what?  Gez is not ready!  Would the mini bus go to his house?  No!  Gez get a taxi!  So Gez finally meets up and off once more, but not far - only down the road to a Kentucky Fried Chicken establishment where sustenance is taken.  The mini bus is well stocked with liquid refreshment and soon the occupants are in fine voice, composing and performing the new tour song!  Sitwell becomes aware of this in a phone call to the bus during which he is subjected to a special rendition.  Stunned by the noise Sitwell is not quite certain of the lyrics but is aware that it includes a reference to some one who is " a grumpy old git" . Finally the party arrives and stream into reception where Marcelle and Faye are waiting to greet them.  Sitwell has already warned them that they would be in high spirits and so the fun begins.  A lot of good natured banter follows with the Hotel ladies becoming more confused at this.  Each room will be shared and to make things fair Faye draws names to decide who is sharing with whom. The bar is open and most take the opportunity to top up once again.  Busy Bloke arrives much sooner than anyone expects and is soon seen at the bar.  A game of cricket is organised on the Hotel lawns followed by a game of catch.    The evening meal is as good as we remember from last year, with more than enough even for the Ansty lads.  A lot of drinking and stories in the bar and finally even the die-hards are ready for some sleep. Tuesday and Sitwell is first down to find Keith on duty.  He informs him that the match today will not be against the Hotel but against Wellington.  Foot & Mouth restrictions mean that grounds free from restrictions are not easy to find, plus the Hotel is extremely busy this week.  The match will be of twenty overs per team, the game starting at 5.45.  Breakfast is once again a buffet and that means that the staff have a lot of work to do keeping up with the ravenous members of the team.  Nice Bloke is late down and only just makes it in time.  Not having an afternoon match means that a whole day is available and a discussion on where to go for some fun is soon under way.  It is decided to travel up the M5 and visit the Brean Leisure Park.  Sitwell once again is subjected to the tour anthem and soon realises that the " grumpy old git" also has " two dodgy knees" and that he is the subject of this.  On arrival the park looks small but undeterred the party investigate.    Rich N and Ray Slaughter The water slide becomes the first target with the braver enjoying the water splash called 'Wild Water'!  Some enjoy it so much that they take some time to dry out!  Shaun Janman and Simon Parsons A roller coaster then provides the entertainment followed by a tussle on the dodgem cars.        The last ride is quite frightening to Sitwell, it's called 'Pure Adrenaline', although he enjoys watching as some take a ride that must really toss their stomachs inside out. Rich N, Simon, Kev and Gez Slim buys a lightweight football from the park shop and all but Shabba and Earthquake make their way to the beach.  An offshore wind is blowing that makes it difficult to kick the ball with any certainty as to where it will go.  Busy Bloke walks away to investigate how far the tide has receded when Richard N kicks the ball towards Richard L.  Of course the wind takes the ball well away and with Richard L chasing the ball and losing the battle the rest of the party are creased up with laughter!  Eventually he catches up with the errant ball at the water's edge and the ball is returned.  An ice cream is eaten before returning to the Park.  Shabba and Earthquake are thought to be in the bar (where else?) but are not to be found.  Another round of drinks and a spot of food are taken before the aforementioned persons return.  They have foolishly gone to the beach in search of the others who are now supping their drinks. Slim drives back and we all prepare for the match - with another drink of course!  Mick and Sue arrive and are shown to their room before watching yet another game of cricket played on the lawns before we depart for the Wellington ground. We wait at Wellington On arrival, no one is there to greet us so we wait patiently and soon Roger and Jim arrive.  The Wellington team begin to arrive and are soon busy organising the sightscreens and putting the rope boundary in place.  Ray (Earthquake) Slaughter is tonight's Captain and informs the team that we are fielding.  Barry (Nice Bloke) Crouch soon finds that bowling against Wellington is not easy, as he is hammered for quick runs.  Simon (Slim) Parsons at the other end bowls tightly but Wellington amass 119 in their 20 overs.  Andy Thorne or Stack as he is known has come over to watch and it is thought that he has made a wager that Ansty would win.  He sits nervously with some locals as Rich N and Slim open the batting and put on several runs before Rich is out.  Kev Davey, he of genie fame, has joined the tour this year but has not played for several months.  Nevertheless he strikes the first ball for 4 and bats well.  Ansty keep up with the run rate required but wickets are falling.  However Ansty manage to win by 3 wickets - a good start to the tour!  After the match the team walk a short distance across the field to the Football Club for a drink with their opponents.  By this time thoughts are turning to food and it is too late to return to the Hotel for one.  Stack suggests an Indian takeaway and an order is made up.  Sitwell, Mick and Sue decide on Fish & Chips.  Of course when on tour things do go pear shaped and so it was that when about to place order it is found that the takeaway in Wellington is shut on Tuesdays.  Nice one Stack.  Much comment and fun is made of Stack so he suggests that he goes with the lads into Taunton and obtain the takeaway there.  Meanwhile the Fish & Chip supper is taken back to the Hotel where it is still piping hot and eaten.  A while later the Indian takeaway arrives and is also consumed. A few more drinks are taken and Robbie, the hotel night person is kept busy behind the bar.  This year there is less snooker being played partly because the second table is out of use and partly that another party of guests is monopolising the table!  Shaun is once again noted for his early retirement as he is seen making his way from the bar. Rain has started to fall before we retire and lightning can be seen in the distance over the hills.  Storms are forecast for tomorrow although everyone has high hopes of a match.  Most make their way to bed around 12.30 or 1 o'clock.  Sitwell is woken at 1.30 to the crash of thunder.  Lightning is now vivid and the thunder noisy.  Sitwell drops back to sleep but it is not long before he is disturbed once more as the power supply is interrupted and the clock radio beside the bed does a 'cheep cheep' as it comes back on.  This happens three or four times more during the night.  At about 6.30 Sitwell is bolt upright in bed as a flash and then bang at the same time jolts the hotel.  Almost immediately the fire alarms start ringing.  Jumping out of bed Sitwell pulls on shorts and a shirt grabs his video camera and exits the room.  Expecting to find the hallway busy with people making their way towards the fire exits Sitwell is amazed that he is the only one there.  Gathering his thoughts he returns to his room looks about and realises that outside rain is falling that not only includes the stair-rods but the stairs as well!  The fire alarm is still heard loud and clear so once more into the hallway where this time he sees another guest and beyond him Gez and Richard N coming out of their room.  At this moment the alarm stops so Rich says " ***** ***** I'm going back to bed" and once more the hallway is deserted.  Sitwell wide-awake now goes down to reception where Robbie announces that " there had been one hell of a storm" .  Earthquake has also been awake watching the storm from the fire escape outside his room - needless to say this was covered! Breakfast once again seems to be out of bounds for Nice Bloke who once more is a noted absentee.  Again the breakfast is superb and with a good meal inside, the participants for the snooker competition make their way to the snooker room.  It is while Sitwell is playing Slim that he is summoned to reception to take a telephone call from Fitzhead.  Because of the storm, today's match is off as water is still running across the square.  Sitters informs the waiting players in the bar of this before returning to his snooker match.  Meanwhile Stack has been busy on the phone and has secured us the bargain of the week so far.  Somerset are due to start their match against Essex at Taunton at 11.45 and if we would like to watch has also negotiated a special admission price.  Without too much thought the Mini-bus is once again on the road to Taunton.  Mick and Sue have left the hotel earlier and have also driven to the County Ground, not to watch the match but to visit a bat manufacturer's shop situated at the ground.  The bus arrives at a car park immediately opposite the entrance and Busy Bloke spots Sue's car.  The occupants are not to be seen however so the group make their way to the ground.  After a short time the party is allowed into the Taunton ground and make their way to a corner that had a fine view of the proceedings.  Somerset are batting but are not doing so well losing wickets regularly.  Essex appear to have a small but vociferous group sitting close by, chanting " Ronnie Irani, Ronnie Irani etc.  Quite entertaining I suppose.  Slim, Rich N, Gez, Barry C, Rich L and Genie decide to make their way to another stand almost behind the bowlers arm and continue with their liquid refreshment leaving the others where they were, also drinking.  Suddenly from the stand behind the bowler across the ground can be heard " Sussex by the Sea" - Slim and Co putting their combined voices to work.  The Essex lads immediately are taken by surprise and are uncertain as to what they have heard.  A little while later Slim joins the others in the corner and with a signal to the other stand once again " Sussex by the Sea" rings out.  Shep, who is one of the umpires, gives a glance in our direction before concentrating on the match once more.  At the tea interval Somerset are 186-6, but as we were to discover after tea and the next day amass a total of 415.  During tea the cricket shop is explored where Gez actually decides to buy a new bat!  An Incrediball is bought for lawn cricket at the hotel and it is decided that we return to Wellington for another match.  Slim drives back and soon we are back, where again the lack of work on the new extension is noted by Gez who is quite critical of the site.  The game starts on the lawn and the Incrediball is much better than a tennis ball although the shape it takes when hit is - well incredible! The girls' school is once again having their Dinner at the Hotel this evening and they already know that we are to be touring this week.  Last year we provided some impromptu entertainment for them and we think that they would like us to do so again!  This year's theme is scouts but few are keen on dressing up and so the idea is shelved.  Neither is anyone keen on providing entertainment this evening.  The usual drinking has been going on since our return and continues while we wait for our turn for the evening meal.  We wait until the school has been served before lining up for the roast.  Once the meal has been eaten it is back to drinking.  It is now that the thought of entertaining re-emerges and so after a quick discussion it is agreed that a 'Magic Mark' trick is to be tried.  After a quick trial run that looks promising it is announced to the girls that we will be entertaining them shortly.  Meanwhile a game of volleyball is played that is hijacked by a very bossy schoolgirl.  The trick actually goes quite well and by now the lads are well into this entertainment lark.  A few songs are sung that are only just recognised but with the ability of Keith, the Hotel manager, who is a semi-professional singer and Richard L the lads just avoid being lynched.  The entertainment is rounded off with another rendition of the " Sunshine Song" .  Stack then gets the lads to join in the " Ship Song" routine that is enjoyed by all. The lads retire to the bar once more and a few more drinks are consumed.  Sitwell retires leaving some behind in the bar.  In the early hours of the morning the Hotel has an unexpected visitor who utters just a few words before disappearing into the night leaving those still awake quite surprised! Sitwell is aware that the evening is over for the rest as he hears keys jangling in a lock.  It seems as though the person is either incapable of putting the key in the lock or cannot see which of several keyholes the right one is! Thursday morning and once again Nice Bloke is not at breakfast.  The talk this morning is about last night.  The mystery visitor is mentioned, but this story will remain with those of the tour party!  Sitwell soon hears about a certain character who tries to open a bedroom door with the wrong key.  It should be said that he was at the right door, just that the key was not his.  Unknown to Gez, Slim had removed his key and substituted another.  Just as well he was close by to stop Gez really getting upset! Another storm, although nowhere near as bad as yesterday, has cast a doubt on today's cricket and it's still raining after breakfast.  The snooker final is to played between the two Barry's this morning.  Busy Bloke ends up victorious and eventually joins the rest in the bar along with Nice Bloke.  As the Hotel is very busy the morning is low key - although last night may also be the reason.  While a party of guests  get stuck into a roast lunch most of the Ansty party nibble a packet of crisps waiting for the clock to reach departure time.  Mick and Sue have taken themselves off for a trip to Minehead on the West Somerset Railway and will meet us later at Brompton Ralph.  There has been a phone call from Brompton Ralph saying the match is on, so everyone piles into the bus, having to wait for a couple of stragglers emptying their glasses, before leaving the Hotel for the match.  Slim is driving and must have caught the bug that Mick had last year as we drive through Wellington.  A scooter rider is heading towards us, and as we manoeuvre around a parked vehicle, takes evasive action by stopping in a lay-by and waiting for us to pass.  Must have realised we were not going to stop! On arriving at the ground Roger and Jim are unloading their car and with them walk across the ground to the pavilion.  The ground is wet but it looks possible to play the match on grass rather than the artificial wicket.  Brompton Ralph have taken a liking to our bowling over the last few years so it is no surprise that they rattle up 229-7 in their 40 overs.  Shaun finishes with 3-50 and Pierre 2-19.  Mick and Sue have arrived from their trip and are enjoying the match and the banter from the pavilion.          Richard Nichols (left) and Simon Parsons   Rich N (123) and Slim (41) are in fine form with the bat but the weather is worsening.  Brompton must at this moment be hoping that the weather will indeed close in as we are well up with the run rate.  All good things have to end and so it does as Rich is bowled by the third ball of a very variable over.  Kev enjoys a quick 22 but when he is out Peter and then Gez soon make their way back to the pavilion.  Sitwell is next in but now it is raining and looking worse.  Ansty only need another 25 or so to win.  Anyone who knows Sitwell the umpire will be aware of his aversion to a drop of water from above!  By now the match would be off.  However Sitwell, batsman number 9, strides to the wicket intent on playing on.  He joins Roger at the crease and this pair sees Ansty home by three wickets.  Two wins from two matches is just what the doctor ordered. During the phone call from Brompton Ralph earlier today Sitwell is reminded that he should have phoned yesterday to arrange numbers for the barbecue that Brompton Ralph provides every year.  Because of this there will be no barbecue this year!  The lads are not best pleased obviously worried they might miss out on a meal.  However the Hotel will provide a meal of scampi and chips or a chicken curry if we manage to return by 9 o'clock.  A quick drink with the lads from Brompton Ralph and we return with yet another rendition of the tour song - outrageous!  Another excellent meal is enjoyed before the bar once again takes the strain.  A few more songs are aired and Robbie is still wondering where the empty bottles and glasses are coming from.  Another late night for most before the drinking takes its toll. Friday morning and Nice Bloke is at the breakfast table for a change and he tucks into another fine offering along with everyone else.  Most have packed their bags but those who have not, disappear to do so.  Sitwell goes and pays the bill before everyone climbs into their respective transport for the return home.  Once again the tour is over with another set of memories to cherish.
Last updated: 30/07/2001
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